[ That's what he was afraid of. He sits back, looking away. ]
I see.
[He picks at the bandage around his hand, wondering if it would be too strange if he went back down to the cave. And then he wonders why it even matters if it's strange. He might not be able to maintain what he's trying hard to achieve right now, and he'll inevitably fail. He doesn't know how to be what Jason needs, especially in this state of mind.]
So you've already forgotten what we spoke about earlier.
[Jason shakes his head.] You can say 'I got you' all the times in the world, but if you push me away, I don't know what else I'm supposed to fucking do.
[He gets up from his seat, taking his lemonade with him.]
I spent more time on the streets than with you, Bruce. I don't know what else to say.
[So much for talking, for trying to hash things out, for opening up. Jason's pulling away, telling him he'll run away, and Bruce doesn't know if his words earlier had sunk in at all.]
Just know that I'm not the one pushing you away. If you want to leave, that's your decision. I already told you, I don't know if I can be better than this.
[ Bruce sits there, staring at the floor for a minute, then gets up and slowly starts cleaning up their food. He boxes up the leftovers and puts them in the refrigerator before he cleans up their garbage. He hates being up here so entirely now.
He wishes Alfred were here. He'd know what to say, what to do. He'd be able to help Jason. To take care of him.
He leans his hands against the counter and bows his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He tries to think of what Alfred would say, but it all feels empty and hollow. He knows Jason is lost, lonely, feeling broken- but that's how Bruce is feeling too, and he hasn't been able to help himself, so he's not sure how to help Jason. The only thing that ever really works to clear his head is going down into that cave, looking over his cases and going out into the night to protect his city.
The kitchen feels far too empty again, so he heads back down to the cave and opens up his files to continue working on them again. ]
[Jason hadn't unpacked much in his sleepless endeavors. A change of clothes is easily tucked back away. His eyes fall on his Robin suit, still slung over the tub in the bathroom. That, too, would need to be packed away, but for a different reason.
It takes about ten minutes before Jason is down in the cave, the case containing his suit practically burning through his palm. He sets it on one of Bruce's tables and then then bike keys on top of it.]
[ Bruce is already deep in his investigations again, marking the spots he can go to tonight for surveillance. The places he needs to place bugs remain in his head, though. He can remember all of this easily enough, even when he's tired.
He's surprised when Jason comes down to the cave- maybe he's had second thoughts about pulling away. If he's lucky, maybe Jason's here to join him.
The case with the Robin suit is placed on a table, along with bike keys- Bruce looks over at him.]
Are you getting ready to come out with me tonight?
[Jason hesitates. He knows he would love to go out on patrol with Bruce. He knows what it would be like to be out as Robin, belonging to a team. He taps the keys on the case, considering. Does he let himself have this moment or does he prevent himself from future heartbreak and turn in the suit for good.]
I was gonna leave the suit with you and go. [Tap, tap, tap.] But I think I'd rather be Robin, for at least one night.
[Not that he wants to guilt Jason into staying here, but he thinks that maybe, if not anything else, at least Robin will appeal to him, even if Bruce doesn't.
He slides the files over on the table, along with his notes.]
[ He asked Jason to rest several times. There's only so much he can do. Jason has to be responsible if he wants to be Robin. ]
Yes. But extremely under the radar. It's how they've been getting away with it all this time. Tonight we run surveillance. We plant bugs. I want to see and hear everything.
[He'll probably crash after the adrenaline of the night. For now, he's awake enough to get the job done. He browses through more of Bruce's notes before rubbing at his eyes.]
[Maybe Jason won't even be here anymore by the time it's time to engage, but- that's Jason's choice. All Bruce can do is keep showing that he wants him here. Maybe being down here like this, hidden away in his cave- it's the only place he can show it.]
Im going to keep combing through these files. There have been a couple other incidents I'd like to follow up on. If you wanna sit and read with me you can. We still have a good amount of time before nightfall.
You can try sleeping again as well- if you want to.
[Jason puts in the code for the Robin case and pulls out his suit. It's mostly clean. There are a few spots here and there, but the suit is mostly unsullied.]
Or we could split the work. I start putting down bugs so you can get intel while you're reading.
[That would mean going out alone and exhausted, but he wanted to prove he could still do the simple stuff.]
If it puts you to sleep then that means you need it.
[Arguing. Right. He hasn't had anyone to argue with in a while. It's frustrating, but not terrible.]
I don't want you out there in broad daylight placing bugs. We wait till sundown. We only just had lunch. If you don't want to read you can go through the recorded footage from my lenses.
Even I needed some sleep, Jason. I can't take you out there like this- and I want you out there, so... please. Just-
[He sighs, turning in his seat to look at him fully.]
Lay down here, in the cave. I've got... [sigh] I've got a cot set up down here for when I don't wanna go upstairs. If you have a nightmare I'll wake you.
[Jason hesitates and another yawn takes him over. He’s about to ask about the nightmares when Bruce mentions waking him. It’s only then that Jason nods and slouches off to the cot.
[ It's a relief when Jason finally goes to lay down. He can see the kid needs it. It'll be safer for both of them if he gets some sleep, even if it's just a cycle before the nightmares hit.
When it's been a few minutes, Bruce gets up and goes over to the cot, pulling a blanket over Jason.
He's doing better down here. He always does better down here. When he can focus on his work, on the task at hand, on his files and night job- the rest doesn't seem so overwhelmingly painful. Too bad he can't stay down here for always- but that wouldn't be healthy for Jason either.
And therein lies the problem.
He watches a moment longer, then heads back to his table, going through his files and recordings again while Jason sleeps.]
[It takes about an hour or so before the first nightmare begins to unfold. He finds himself in a dream about a building under construction. He realizes exactly where he is in a moment and what's about to happen to him. Still, he watches it play out as he struggles against his bindings. There's a fight, but it doesn't matter. Deathstroke presses down on an ignitor and the window washer's basket drops out beneath him. His stomach lurches as he reaches out into the darkness and his hands barely find purchase on the building. Dick is there, but this time not to help him.
He curls his fingers around Jason's wrists and fling them off the building.
Jason screams the whole way down, watching as the stories flick past him faster and faster as he falls. And then he hits something, glass spraying around him and he can't draw a breath. His chest surges with the effort as he gasps for air.
But not just in the dream. He screams and then he begins to twitch on his cot.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[He isn't going to argue that. Not even a little bit.]
But if I fall into that category? Then what?
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Then I guess I'd leave.
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I see.
[He picks at the bandage around his hand, wondering if it would be too strange if he went back down to the cave. And then he wonders why it even matters if it's strange. He might not be able to maintain what he's trying hard to achieve right now, and he'll inevitably fail. He doesn't know how to be what Jason needs, especially in this state of mind.]
So you've already forgotten what we spoke about earlier.
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[He gets up from his seat, taking his lemonade with him.]
I spent more time on the streets than with you, Bruce. I don't know what else to say.
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[So much for talking, for trying to hash things out, for opening up. Jason's pulling away, telling him he'll run away, and Bruce doesn't know if his words earlier had sunk in at all.]
Just know that I'm not the one pushing you away. If you want to leave, that's your decision. I already told you, I don't know if I can be better than this.
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Then I'll fucking leave now and put you out of your trouble.
[And then muttering,] 'I got you' my fucking ass.
[Before he storms off toward his room.]
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He wishes Alfred were here. He'd know what to say, what to do. He'd be able to help Jason. To take care of him.
He leans his hands against the counter and bows his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He tries to think of what Alfred would say, but it all feels empty and hollow. He knows Jason is lost, lonely, feeling broken- but that's how Bruce is feeling too, and he hasn't been able to help himself, so he's not sure how to help Jason. The only thing that ever really works to clear his head is going down into that cave, looking over his cases and going out into the night to protect his city.
The kitchen feels far too empty again, so he heads back down to the cave and opens up his files to continue working on them again. ]
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It takes about ten minutes before Jason is down in the cave, the case containing his suit practically burning through his palm. He sets it on one of Bruce's tables and then then bike keys on top of it.]
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He's surprised when Jason comes down to the cave- maybe he's had second thoughts about pulling away. If he's lucky, maybe Jason's here to join him.
The case with the Robin suit is placed on a table, along with bike keys- Bruce looks over at him.]
Are you getting ready to come out with me tonight?
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I was gonna leave the suit with you and go. [Tap, tap, tap.] But I think I'd rather be Robin, for at least one night.
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[Not that he wants to guilt Jason into staying here, but he thinks that maybe, if not anything else, at least Robin will appeal to him, even if Bruce doesn't.
He slides the files over on the table, along with his notes.]
Read through these.
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He steps forward to browse through the files, taking in Bruce's notes.]
A gang war?
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Yes. But extremely under the radar. It's how they've been getting away with it all this time. Tonight we run surveillance. We plant bugs. I want to see and hear everything.
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Got it. Plant bugs. Start surveillance.
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[Maybe Jason won't even be here anymore by the time it's time to engage, but- that's Jason's choice. All Bruce can do is keep showing that he wants him here. Maybe being down here like this, hidden away in his cave- it's the only place he can show it.]
Im going to keep combing through these files. There have been a couple other incidents I'd like to follow up on. If you wanna sit and read with me you can. We still have a good amount of time before nightfall.
You can try sleeping again as well- if you want to.
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[Jason puts in the code for the Robin case and pulls out his suit. It's mostly clean. There are a few spots here and there, but the suit is mostly unsullied.]
Or we could split the work. I start putting down bugs so you can get intel while you're reading.
[That would mean going out alone and exhausted, but he wanted to prove he could still do the simple stuff.]
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[Bruce pulls the files back to organize them, then opens another.]
Duo doesn't mean going out on your own, Jason. You know better than that now.
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[Jason turns away from the Robin case, frowning.]
I wanna get out there again.
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[Arguing. Right. He hasn't had anyone to argue with in a while. It's frustrating, but not terrible.]
I don't want you out there in broad daylight placing bugs. We wait till sundown. We only just had lunch. If you don't want to read you can go through the recorded footage from my lenses.
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[And then a yawn stretches his mouth. He is exhausted and the thought of reading is enough on its own to make him drowsy.]
I’m good.
[He doesn’t look it, though. Now that he has foos in him, he’s starting to really look exhausted too.]
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Even I needed some sleep, Jason. I can't take you out there like this- and I want you out there, so... please. Just-
[He sighs, turning in his seat to look at him fully.]
Lay down here, in the cave. I've got... [sigh] I've got a cot set up down here for when I don't wanna go upstairs. If you have a nightmare I'll wake you.
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He’s asleep before his head hits the pillow.]
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When it's been a few minutes, Bruce gets up and goes over to the cot, pulling a blanket over Jason.
He's doing better down here. He always does better down here. When he can focus on his work, on the task at hand, on his files and night job- the rest doesn't seem so overwhelmingly painful. Too bad he can't stay down here for always- but that wouldn't be healthy for Jason either.
And therein lies the problem.
He watches a moment longer, then heads back to his table, going through his files and recordings again while Jason sleeps.]
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He curls his fingers around Jason's wrists and fling them off the building.
Jason screams the whole way down, watching as the stories flick past him faster and faster as he falls. And then he hits something, glass spraying around him and he can't draw a breath. His chest surges with the effort as he gasps for air.
But not just in the dream. He screams and then he begins to twitch on his cot.]
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sorry for the delay, life got craazy! D:
hope things have gotten better!
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