open post;

[copsormasks]

Comments

[iam_vengeance]

You don't need to apologize, Jason.

[Jason's not the one who did the wrong thing here. He's not the one who pushed away because he couldn't handle things- that was Bruce, and this was the result of it.

Alfred would be so disappointed in him.

But he already said what he needed to say, what he should have said before. He tried to bridge the gap with his words, with his connections, but it seems like Jason needs more time. At least Jason now knows how he feels.]

I don't know if I can do any better, though. I'm not exactly...

[He trails off, because out of all the things he just poured out to Jason, admitting that he's a mess feels impossible to do.]

[copsormasks]

You don't have to do better, just. [Jason pauses, still looking down at the counter.] Just don't push me away.

[For all of Jason's bravado, all his pomp and circumstance, if Bruce pushes him away now, he's not sure what he would do. Maybe leave Gotham for good, go on the run until he found someone somewhere that wanted him.]

[iam_vengeance]

[ Bruce looks down, pulling his hands back from the counter and crosses them over his chest. This is the hardest part. Not just the pushing, but the pulling away as well. ]

I want you here, Jason. I hope you can remember that, even if I- don't know how to show it.

[copsormasks]

[I want you here, Jason. How long has it been since Jason felt sincerely wanted? Since before the Titans at least, before he fell off that building, before he and Dick spoke on the roof.]

I think I can do that.

[He memorizes the sound of it: I want you here, Jason. It’s not Robin, not anything but him as he is.]

[iam_vengeance]

Good.

[It feels like a deal has been made, a truce has been met- but more than that, it feels like there's an understanding between them now and Bruce hopes it lasts. He hopes they can both carry out their end. His, more than Jason's. He's still the adult here, grief and all.

Luckily just then, his phone buzzes and he unfolds his arms, checking it.]

Food is here. I'll go grab it. Pull out some plates.

[He looks at Jason a moment longer, then heads off to grab their food from the Manor gates, shoving his sunglasses on.]

[copsormasks]

[It's at least a truce. Bruce has stated his intentions and Jason his. Before he can say anything else, Bruce's phone buzzes and Jason takes that as a sign to let things rest for now.

He nods to Bruce before setting out plates for the two of them at the dining table. It's weirdly formal, but Jason doesn't set the plates at either end, instead keeping Bruce at the head of the table and Jason next to him. Utensils follow and then napkins.]

What do we got?

[If Jason's honest, he could do with a nap instead of eating, but for now he's upright and that's what he's focused on.]

[iam_vengeance]

[ It takes Bruce a few minutes, but then he's back again, a few large paper bags in his hands. He wasn't expecting the dining room table either, just at the same spots on the counter they were just at, but- it's it's alright. It's just been a while since he's sat here.

Not since Alfred died. ]

A variety of chili dogs- probably enough for two meals. Bread separate so it doesn't get soggy. Fries, and...basil lemonade.

[Because Alfred used to get that all the time. Jason probably knows that as well.]

[copsormasks]

[Bruce really is speaking Jason's language here, all the way down to the basil lemonade. He might carboload and then take a nap, but right now he plans to enjoy every bite.]

Sounds awesome. Let's eat.

[iam_vengeance]

[ He pulls it all out of the bags and sets it down between them. It doesn't have to be two meals if Jason wants to eat it all right now. They don't need to ration anything.

He waits for Jason to dig into what he wants first before taking his own, putting it on his plate. He's quiet as they eat, but it doesn't feel uncomfortable. It's nice to be sitting here eating with someone again.

He glances over at Jason from time to time, making sure he's enjoying his chili dogs. Eventually he dos speak up.]

I never had these before you came along.

[copsormasks]

[Jason is about to eat just about everything in the bag. He hasn't eaten anything since he left San Francisco and that's a twenty-plus hour drive on a motorcycle. The first chili dog is washed down with the basil lemonade and the second follows the first. He pauses at the option of a third, hand hesitating before looking over at Bruce.]

You were missing out. These are the fucking bomb.

[iam_vengeance]

[ When Jason eyes the rest of the chili dogs with hesitation, Bruce reaches out and pushes the container toward him. Have as many as you want, Jason. ]

They're good. But messy.

[copsormasks]

Real good. [When the container is pushed toward him, Jason digs in and starts into his third chili dog.] Thanks for getting them. This isn't 'cause of anything in the letter, right?

[iam_vengeance]

I knew you liked chili dogs before any letter, Jason.

[He knows that's not what Jason means, of course- but it's uncomfortable for both of them.]

We both had to eat at some point. Whether I'm worried about you or not.

[copsormasks]

Not what I-- [And then Bruce sort of half-answers his question.] Yeah, but it didn't have to be chili dogs.

[iam_vengeance]

[ He grabs a napkin to wipe at his fingers before lifting his drink to take a sip. He's only stalling a little bit. ]

It felt like a good welcome home.

[He's quiet again for a moment, trying to build up the courage to talk about this. He can take on all of Gotham, but when it comes to talking about feeling or emotions- he's a mess.]

...Alfred used to do the same for me. When I had difficult days... and nights. It seemed ridiculous- how could food be comforting, but- once he was no longer here I understood.

[copsormasks]

[Jason is about to say thank you for the welcome home when Bruce elaborates. Jason looks away and down at his third chili dog and nods.]

Don't know if it can be a bad day when every day is like this.

[Or at least with the Titans. There's a reason he left.]

[iam_vengeance]

[ He takes another sip of his basil lemonade, then goes back to the chili dog. So far there's minimal mess. ]

Has this been a bad day?

[copsormasks]

I mean, it's been like a shitty fifty something hours. Since I left the Titans.

[His hunger disappears and he nudges the other half of the chilidog over toward Bruce.]

Guess it's not all bad today.

[iam_vengeance]

[Jason pushing away the rest of his food is why he was hesitant to talk about this. But eventually it must be done.]

People are hard to work with. To be around.

[copsormasks]

Doesn't help when they're a bunch of assholes. [Jason takes a long sip of his basil lemonade.]

[iam_vengeance]

No, I suppose it doesn't.

[He isn't going to argue that. Not even a little bit.]

But if I fall into that category? Then what?

[copsormasks]

[Another long sip of his lemonade.]

Then I guess I'd leave.

[iam_vengeance]

[ That's what he was afraid of. He sits back, looking away. ]

I see.

[He picks at the bandage around his hand, wondering if it would be too strange if he went back down to the cave. And then he wonders why it even matters if it's strange. He might not be able to maintain what he's trying hard to achieve right now, and he'll inevitably fail. He doesn't know how to be what Jason needs, especially in this state of mind.]

So you've already forgotten what we spoke about earlier.

[copsormasks]

[Jason shakes his head.] You can say 'I got you' all the times in the world, but if you push me away, I don't know what else I'm supposed to fucking do.

[He gets up from his seat, taking his lemonade with him.]

I spent more time on the streets than with you, Bruce. I don't know what else to say.

[iam_vengeance]

Alright.

[So much for talking, for trying to hash things out, for opening up. Jason's pulling away, telling him he'll run away, and Bruce doesn't know if his words earlier had sunk in at all.]

Just know that I'm not the one pushing you away. If you want to leave, that's your decision. I already told you, I don't know if I can be better than this.