[ Bruce remembers the initial incident with Deathstroke. The way Dick got pulled in and fell apart because of it. Did he ever recover? Bruce wanted to think so, but they had already been at odds.
He and Jason aren't at odds though. Not really. The boy is standing here in front of him, finally telling him the truth, and it's so much worse than Bruce realized. That painful, sinking feeling that he felt when Alfred died settles inside of him again- maybe it never really left, but it certainly feels like it's going to drag him down.
It'll drag both of them down if he's not careful, and that's the last thing he wants right now. ]
[ It wasn't Dick who saved Jason- it was this other person. Bruce doesn't think Conner is even part of the Titans, but he's grateful that he was there to catch Jason. He doesn't want to think of what would've happened if he hadn't been.
Bruce closes his eyes for a brief moment, nodding, then holds the letter out to Jason for him to take it back. He doesn't need to hear anyone else's side of the story. ]
[The letter is held out to him and Jason wants to snatch it right back, but he knows there's more in there. Talk of the nightmares, the roof, things Jason isn't ready to talk about in person.]
Keep it. [He finally surrenders, admitting to having read the letter and sealed it up again.] There's more and I don't really want to talk about it.
[He pockets his hands instead.] You should probably sleep first.
[ He's surprised once again, when Jason doesn't take the letter back from him right away. When he actually leaves it in his possession. ]
Alright.
[He pulls the letter back and tucks it away in his pocket, then shuffles forward a few steps. He doesn't know how to do this- but he wants to try. Jason's still alive, and after everything- maybe Bruce just needs to reach out and touch. To feel something, someone solid under his fingers. Everything else is so fickle, seemingly falling right through his fingers- but not this. Not Jason.
He reaches out, putting his hand on Jason's shoulder, squeezing lightly. He's not sure if anything more is wanted.]
Get some rest, Jason. You need it too. Maybe we can figure out some lunch later on. Chili dogs, if you want.
Yeah, okay. [Jason doubts he'll get much sleep with the nightmares, but if Bruce will try, then Jason should too. He continues to stand with Bruce's hand on his shoulder, a surprising comfort through all of this. He slowly raises his gaze to Bruce before nodding.
[ It's a step forward, as small as it might be. At least there's a pause in the gap. ]
Come on, then.
[He squeezes Jason's shoulder once again, then lets go and leads them out of the cave. He squints a little at the way the sun shines in through the windows, realizing just how long it's been since he's been up here during the day.]
Let me know if you need anything.
[As if he can even take care of himself right now. But maybe helping Jason will be easier.]
[Jason notices the squint, but says nothing of it. He's busy focusing on the prospect of sleeping and how he's going to probably do anything but sleep.]
Okay, sure.
[He heads back to his room and tries to settle down to sleep, but all he does is pull the drapes and pace. By the time lunchtime rolls around, he's done no sleeping at all and gives up to go try and scavenge something from the kitchen.]
[ They're both truly terrible at this, it seems. Bruce dozes off for about an hour before he starts tossing and turning, his own nightmare jerking him awake. He supposes that's all the sleep he needs.
He grabs a quick shower, pulling on an old t-shirt and some sweats, then takes Jason's letter out and sits down to read it. This is what he should have done last night, but he didn't have the capacity for it. He doesn't think he does now either, but he knows he has to.
He reads it twice before burying his head in his hands.
He's not sure how long he stays that way before he hears movement in the hallway. Jason.
He grabs his phone and places a lunch order, then heads downstairs to the kitchen, making a decision about how this is going to go. ]
I ordered us lunch. Should be here in half an hour.
[Jason is picking through the barren fridge when he hears footsteps. He turns in place and shuts the fridge door behind him.]
Cool. That makes it easy.
[Except things aren't exactly easy. Instead of rested, Jason looks more worn down. He leans on the counter between them, feeling the weight of his sleeplessness on his shoulders.]
We might have to go grocery shopping at some point.
[Bruce can't even imagine what that would look like. Better than how Jason looks though, there's no doubt about that. He comes over, leaning against the counter as well.]
Slept for an hour, nightmares woke me up. You didn't sleep.
[Grocery shopping? The two of them? Jason frowns up at Bruce as he imagines the two of them in costume, going down the aisles of Walmart to get supplies.
At the mention of not sleeping, Jason bites the inside of his lip. He tries to think of a lie, but Bruce has already proved he's gotten better at reading Jason.]
[Jason is about to mention something about vegetables when Bruce brings up the letter. Jason knew Bruce would eventually read it, especially after Jason let him keep it. It's still weird sitting with the thought that Bruce now knows almost everything about San Francisco: how Jason didn't get along, his kidnapping, his near-fatal fall, the roof, the nightmares, the breakup, and leaving the Titans.]
Oh. Yeah.
[Jason fidgets with his sleeves where he leans on the counter.]
[ Bruce says as he places his hands on the marble counter. He isn't sure how to say this the right way, but he knows he needs to at least try. ]
I thought... sending you off with Dick would be good for you. That it would help. And then Alfred.... and I thought I knew for certain that it was better for you there, because I- could barely manage myself after that. But I was wrong, and you should've stayed here with me.
[Jason picks at his sleeves before looking back down at the counter. He knows Bruce already apologized, but Jason seeks to place blame, to spread it to anyone but himself.]
Sorry. [It's not really a full apology, but it's something to buffer a true response.] I...
[Jason's not the one who did the wrong thing here. He's not the one who pushed away because he couldn't handle things- that was Bruce, and this was the result of it.
Alfred would be so disappointed in him.
But he already said what he needed to say, what he should have said before. He tried to bridge the gap with his words, with his connections, but it seems like Jason needs more time. At least Jason now knows how he feels.]
I don't know if I can do any better, though. I'm not exactly...
[He trails off, because out of all the things he just poured out to Jason, admitting that he's a mess feels impossible to do.]
You don't have to do better, just. [Jason pauses, still looking down at the counter.] Just don't push me away.
[For all of Jason's bravado, all his pomp and circumstance, if Bruce pushes him away now, he's not sure what he would do. Maybe leave Gotham for good, go on the run until he found someone somewhere that wanted him.]
[ Bruce looks down, pulling his hands back from the counter and crosses them over his chest. This is the hardest part. Not just the pushing, but the pulling away as well. ]
I want you here, Jason. I hope you can remember that, even if I- don't know how to show it.
[I want you here, Jason. How long has it been since Jason felt sincerely wanted? Since before the Titans at least, before he fell off that building, before he and Dick spoke on the roof.]
I think I can do that.
[He memorizes the sound of it: I want you here, Jason. It’s not Robin, not anything but him as he is.]
[It feels like a deal has been made, a truce has been met- but more than that, it feels like there's an understanding between them now and Bruce hopes it lasts. He hopes they can both carry out their end. His, more than Jason's. He's still the adult here, grief and all.
Luckily just then, his phone buzzes and he unfolds his arms, checking it.]
Food is here. I'll go grab it. Pull out some plates.
[He looks at Jason a moment longer, then heads off to grab their food from the Manor gates, shoving his sunglasses on.]
[It's at least a truce. Bruce has stated his intentions and Jason his. Before he can say anything else, Bruce's phone buzzes and Jason takes that as a sign to let things rest for now.
He nods to Bruce before setting out plates for the two of them at the dining table. It's weirdly formal, but Jason doesn't set the plates at either end, instead keeping Bruce at the head of the table and Jason next to him. Utensils follow and then napkins.]
What do we got?
[If Jason's honest, he could do with a nap instead of eating, but for now he's upright and that's what he's focused on.]
[ It takes Bruce a few minutes, but then he's back again, a few large paper bags in his hands. He wasn't expecting the dining room table either, just at the same spots on the counter they were just at, but- it's it's alright. It's just been a while since he's sat here.
Not since Alfred died. ]
A variety of chili dogs- probably enough for two meals. Bread separate so it doesn't get soggy. Fries, and...basil lemonade.
[Because Alfred used to get that all the time. Jason probably knows that as well.]
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He and Jason aren't at odds though. Not really. The boy is standing here in front of him, finally telling him the truth, and it's so much worse than Bruce realized. That painful, sinking feeling that he felt when Alfred died settles inside of him again- maybe it never really left, but it certainly feels like it's going to drag him down.
It'll drag both of them down if he's not careful, and that's the last thing he wants right now. ]
How did you survive?
[He asks quietly.]
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[Jason missed most of the details trying to recover from his near-fatal fall and a whole hell of a lot of other things.]
Caught me last minute.
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Bruce closes his eyes for a brief moment, nodding, then holds the letter out to Jason for him to take it back. He doesn't need to hear anyone else's side of the story. ]
I'm sorry that happened, Jason.
It's good you came home.
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Keep it. [He finally surrenders, admitting to having read the letter and sealed it up again.] There's more and I don't really want to talk about it.
[He pockets his hands instead.] You should probably sleep first.
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Alright.
[He pulls the letter back and tucks it away in his pocket, then shuffles forward a few steps. He doesn't know how to do this- but he wants to try. Jason's still alive, and after everything- maybe Bruce just needs to reach out and touch. To feel something, someone solid under his fingers. Everything else is so fickle, seemingly falling right through his fingers- but not this. Not Jason.
He reaches out, putting his hand on Jason's shoulder, squeezing lightly. He's not sure if anything more is wanted.]
Get some rest, Jason. You need it too. Maybe we can figure out some lunch later on. Chili dogs, if you want.
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He should try, at the least.]
Chili dogs sounds good.
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Come on, then.
[He squeezes Jason's shoulder once again, then lets go and leads them out of the cave. He squints a little at the way the sun shines in through the windows, realizing just how long it's been since he's been up here during the day.]
Let me know if you need anything.
[As if he can even take care of himself right now. But maybe helping Jason will be easier.]
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Okay, sure.
[He heads back to his room and tries to settle down to sleep, but all he does is pull the drapes and pace. By the time lunchtime rolls around, he's done no sleeping at all and gives up to go try and scavenge something from the kitchen.]
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He grabs a quick shower, pulling on an old t-shirt and some sweats, then takes Jason's letter out and sits down to read it. This is what he should have done last night, but he didn't have the capacity for it. He doesn't think he does now either, but he knows he has to.
He reads it twice before burying his head in his hands.
He's not sure how long he stays that way before he hears movement in the hallway. Jason.
He grabs his phone and places a lunch order, then heads downstairs to the kitchen, making a decision about how this is going to go. ]
I ordered us lunch. Should be here in half an hour.
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Cool. That makes it easy.
[Except things aren't exactly easy. Instead of rested, Jason looks more worn down. He leans on the counter between them, feeling the weight of his sleeplessness on his shoulders.]
You get any sleep or just go back to work?
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[Bruce can't even imagine what that would look like. Better than how Jason looks though, there's no doubt about that. He comes over, leaning against the counter as well.]
Slept for an hour, nightmares woke me up. You didn't sleep.
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[Grocery shopping? The two of them? Jason frowns up at Bruce as he imagines the two of them in costume, going down the aisles of Walmart to get supplies.
At the mention of not sleeping, Jason bites the inside of his lip. He tries to think of a lie, but Bruce has already proved he's gotten better at reading Jason.]
I don't really sleep much any more.
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[Alfred would be disappointed in him, Bruce knows that much. Eventually he'll have to remedy this.
As for Jason not sleeping much anymore... he wanted to let him know that they have something in common ]
I know you don't. I read the letter.
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Oh. Yeah.
[Jason fidgets with his sleeves where he leans on the counter.]
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[ Bruce says as he places his hands on the marble counter. He isn't sure how to say this the right way, but he knows he needs to at least try. ]
I thought... sending you off with Dick would be good for you. That it would help. And then Alfred.... and I thought I knew for certain that it was better for you there, because I- could barely manage myself after that. But I was wrong, and you should've stayed here with me.
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Well, it wasn't better for me. It was a whole lot worse.
[And maybe it's Jason's personality, but maybe he just doesn't do well at group work.]
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...That's why I said it was a mistake.
[He's not sure how else to put it, how else to apologize. Maybe Jason just doesn't want to hear it. That would make sense too.]
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Sorry. [It's not really a full apology, but it's something to buffer a true response.] I...
[Jason blows out a breath and shakes his head.]
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[Jason's not the one who did the wrong thing here. He's not the one who pushed away because he couldn't handle things- that was Bruce, and this was the result of it.
Alfred would be so disappointed in him.
But he already said what he needed to say, what he should have said before. He tried to bridge the gap with his words, with his connections, but it seems like Jason needs more time. At least Jason now knows how he feels.]
I don't know if I can do any better, though. I'm not exactly...
[He trails off, because out of all the things he just poured out to Jason, admitting that he's a mess feels impossible to do.]
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[For all of Jason's bravado, all his pomp and circumstance, if Bruce pushes him away now, he's not sure what he would do. Maybe leave Gotham for good, go on the run until he found someone somewhere that wanted him.]
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I want you here, Jason. I hope you can remember that, even if I- don't know how to show it.
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I think I can do that.
[He memorizes the sound of it: I want you here, Jason. It’s not Robin, not anything but him as he is.]
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[It feels like a deal has been made, a truce has been met- but more than that, it feels like there's an understanding between them now and Bruce hopes it lasts. He hopes they can both carry out their end. His, more than Jason's. He's still the adult here, grief and all.
Luckily just then, his phone buzzes and he unfolds his arms, checking it.]
Food is here. I'll go grab it. Pull out some plates.
[He looks at Jason a moment longer, then heads off to grab their food from the Manor gates, shoving his sunglasses on.]
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He nods to Bruce before setting out plates for the two of them at the dining table. It's weirdly formal, but Jason doesn't set the plates at either end, instead keeping Bruce at the head of the table and Jason next to him. Utensils follow and then napkins.]
What do we got?
[If Jason's honest, he could do with a nap instead of eating, but for now he's upright and that's what he's focused on.]
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Not since Alfred died. ]
A variety of chili dogs- probably enough for two meals. Bread separate so it doesn't get soggy. Fries, and...basil lemonade.
[Because Alfred used to get that all the time. Jason probably knows that as well.]
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sorry for the delay, life got craazy! D:
hope things have gotten better!
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